Mindfulness Without Perfection: How Meditation Helps Autism Parents Thrive | NeurOrdinary Podcast: S2E11
NeurOrdinary Podcast S2E11 cover image - supportive audio guidance for neurodivergent and autism parents who want to add more mindfulness to their everyday lives, but aren’t sure how.
Ever feel like meditation just isn’t made for your kind of brain, or your kind of life? You’re not alone. In this episode, I’m breaking down some of the biggest myths that make meditation feel impossible for neurodivergent and autism parents…
I offer a gentler, more realistic approach to making mindfulness and meditation work in your everyday life.
We’re talking about what meditation looks like when your house is noisy, your schedule is packed, and your brain won’t stop buzzing. (Spoiler: it doesn’t have to be silent, still, or even particularly calm.)
Inside this episode, we’ll walk through:
Why “I don’t have time” is totally valid (and also work-through-able)
What to do when “clear your mind” makes you want to throw something
Tiny ways to weave mindfulness into real-life moments…even if you're folding laundry, hiding in the bathroom, or rocking a fidget toy
You’ll also get simple ideas like 60-second breath resets, sensory check-ins, and sound-based or movement-friendly options that won’t make you feel like you’re doing it wrong.
Whether you’re new to mindfulness or just haven’t found a version that fits your life, this episode is a permission slip to try again, your way.
Want more support?
Check out my guided meditations over on Substack, created specifically for neurodivergent and autism parents who crave more peace in the middle of it all.
* Please note: names used in this podcast may have been changed to protect the identity of my coaching clients and their children.
Resources Mentioned in This Episode…
Check out The Self-Care Support Squad Substack! Join for only $7/month to get access to exclusive bonus content (including 3 exclusive downloadable meditations), monthly group coaching calls, and more great resources!
Your Ultimate Self-Care Toolkit: Guided Meditation and Affirmations for Parents of Autistic Kids
Embracing Now: Staying Positive and Present as an Autism Parent
Mindfulness as a Self-Care Tool for Autism Parents: Prioritizing Your Wellbeing
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Transcript
Hey there, and welcome to another episode of NeurOrdinary! I’m Karen Kossow, your self-care and resilience coach, fellow neurospicy parent, and certified meditation instructor. I’m so excited to have you here today because we’re diving into a topic that gets a bad rap: meditation.
If you’ve ever thought, “Meditation? That’s just not for me,” you’re not alone. Maybe you’ve tried it and felt like you failed because you couldn’t clear your mind. Or maybe the idea of sitting still for more than a few seconds feels laughable when your life is full of meltdowns, therapy appointments, and endless to-do lists. I get it. I’ve been there.
But here’s the thing: meditation doesn’t have to be perfect, and it definitely doesn’t have to look like those serene photos of people sitting cross-legged on a mountaintop. Meditation can be messy, flexible, and tailored to fit into the chaos of your life—and it can still make a huge difference.
In today’s episode, we’re going to debunk some common myths about meditation and explore how it can actually help you. By the end, you’ll have practical tips for incorporating mindfulness and breathing exercises into your day, even if you’re busy, neurodivergent, or just skeptical.
And just to put it out there: I’m not just talking about this as someone who’s read a few books. I’m a certified meditation instructor who also happens to parent two incredibly neurospicy kiddos. Meditation has been a game-changer for me—not because I’m perfect at it, but because I’ve learned how to make it work for me.
So, grab your favorite beverage, get comfy, and let’s demystify meditation together!
Myth #1: I Don’t Have Time to Meditate
Let’s start with one of the biggest myths out there: “I don’t have time.” Raise your hand if you’ve thought this one before—I know I have. When your day is jam-packed with caregiving, work, and everything else, the idea of carving out 20 uninterrupted minutes for meditation feels impossible. But here’s the good news: meditation doesn’t have to take a lot of time.
Meditation can be as simple as taking 60 seconds to breathe intentionally. One of my go-to techniques is the Reset Breath: inhale for four seconds, hold for four, and exhale for six. That’s it. You can do it while waiting for coffee to brew, sitting in the car at pick-up, or even hiding in the bathroom for a quick moment of peace.
Here’s why this works: when you take even a minute to focus on your breath, you’re signaling to your brain that it’s safe to relax. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system, helping you feel calmer and more grounded.
Neurodivergent-Friendly Tip: If counting breaths feels stressful or overstimulating, try focusing on a sensory cue instead. Maybe it’s the feeling of your feet on the floor, the warmth of a mug in your hands, or the sound of a calming chime. Mindfulness doesn’t have to involve numbers or rigid techniques, and if you’re the OCD type of neurospicy like I am, it might be better that it doesn’t. It’s about what works for you.
Start small. Even one mindful breath can make a difference. You don’t need a perfect routine; you just need to start.
Myth #2: Meditation Is Too Hard
Next up is the myth that meditation is too hard. I get it—sitting still and “clearing your mind” sounds intimidating. But here’s the truth: meditation isn’t about forcing your mind to be blank. It’s about noticing your thoughts and gently bringing your focus back, again and again.
For neurodivergent people like me, traditional meditation instructions can feel overwhelming. Sitting still for long periods or focusing solely on your breath might not feel accessible, and that’s okay. Meditation is flexible.
Here are a few ideas…
Active Meditation
If sitting still feels impossible, don’t sweat it. Active meditation is a fantastic alternative that lets you engage your body and mind simultaneously. One way to do this is through walking meditation. As you walk—whether it’s through your neighborhood, your living room, or even pacing in your backyard—focus on the sensation of your feet hitting the ground. Notice the rhythm of your steps, the way your body moves, and the feeling of air on your skin.
Walking meditation can be easily woven into your daily life. For example, if you’re walking the dog, instead of letting your mind race with to-do lists, shift your focus to the present moment. Feel the leash in your hand, listen to the rustling leaves, or notice the sound of your dog’s paws on the pavement.
The beauty of active meditation is its versatility. You don’t need a specific setup or extra time—it’s about turning what you’re already doing into a mindful practice. Even five minutes of walking meditation can help you feel more grounded and connected to the present.
Sound-Based Meditation
If you’re someone who feels soothed by sound, sound-based meditation might be your go-to. This method involves listening to calming sounds like rain, ocean waves, birdsong, or even white noise. The idea is to let the sound wash over you, bringing your attention to the present moment.
You can find plenty of free soundscapes online or through apps, making it easy to fit this practice into your day. Try playing these sounds while you’re folding laundry, sitting in the car, or winding down before bed. Personally, I love listening to gentle rain sounds while I’m tidying up—it’s like a mini escape right in my own home.
If nature sounds aren’t your thing, consider using music or binaural beats. These options can help you relax while keeping your mind engaged. The key is to find a sound that feels soothing and allows your mind to rest without overstimulation.
Fidget-Friendly Practices
For those of us who feel the need to move or keep our hands busy, fidget-friendly meditation can be a game-changer. Grab a stress ball, a fidget spinner, or even a piece of fabric with a comforting texture. As you use your fidget, focus on the physical sensations—the way it feels in your hand, the motion of squeezing or spinning, or the texture beneath your fingers.
This type of meditation is particularly helpful for neurodivergent folks who may find traditional mindfulness practices difficult. It gives your hands something to do while allowing your mind to settle. One of my favorite tools is a smooth stone I keep in my pocket. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I take a moment to hold it, notice its weight and temperature, and let those sensations bring me back to the present.
Remember, meditation isn’t about being “good” at it—it’s about showing up for yourself in a way that feels right. Whether you’re walking, listening to calming sounds, or using a fidget, each practice is valid and valuable. There’s no wrong way to meditate.
The most important thing is to let go of the pressure to do it perfectly. You’re not aiming to achieve some mystical state of calm; you’re simply creating a moment of presence in your day. Even if your mind wanders 100 times, bringing it back 101 times is what makes the practice meaningful.
So, experiment with these approaches and find what resonates with you. Meditation doesn’t have to look a certain way—it just has to work for you. Start where you are, and remember: every small step you take is a step toward greater peace and resilience.
Myth #3: I Can’t Clear My Mind
This myth stops so many people from even trying meditation. Let me say this loud and clear: You are not supposed to clear your mind.
Meditation is about awareness, not emptiness. Your thoughts will come and go—that’s just how brains work. The magic happens when you notice your thoughts without judgment and gently bring your focus back. It’s like training a puppy: you don’t scold it for wandering off; you simply guide it back with patience.
Here’s how I approach it: when my mind starts racing (and it always does), I use an anchor to bring myself back. Sometimes it’s my breath. Other times it’s a mantra, like “I am here” or “This moment is enough.” And on the busiest days, my anchor is simply noticing one thing in my environment, like the way the sunlight hits the floor or the sound of my kids laughing in the other room.
Neurodivergent-Friendly Tip: If intrusive or repetitive thoughts make traditional meditation difficult, try guided meditations. These provide structure and direction, making it easier to stay focused. And guess what? I have downloadable meditations made just for autism parents over on my Substack, so be sure to check them out!
Meditation isn’t about silencing your thoughts. It’s about giving yourself a moment to pause and reset.
Conclusion
Let’s recap the myths we debunked today…
“I Don’t Have Time to Meditate”
This is probably the most common myth, and honestly, I get it—life is busy, chaotic even. But meditation doesn’t require hours of uninterrupted time or a dedicated space. Start small. One minute of mindfulness is better than none.
For example, while you’re waiting for your coffee to brew, take a moment to practice the Reset Breath: inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and exhale for six seconds. Or if you’re waiting in the car at school pickup, spend that time focusing on the feel of the steering wheel in your hands or the sounds around you.
Those small moments add up. You don’t need to carve out an hour in your day to feel the benefits of mindfulness. It’s about finding those tiny windows of time and making them count. Over time, these little practices can become second nature, like a built-in reset button for your mind.
“Meditation Is Too Hard”
We flipped this myth on its head: meditation isn’t hard—it’s flexible. The idea that you need to sit cross-legged on a cushion for an hour in complete silence? That’s just one version of meditation, and it’s not the only one.
Neurodivergent-friendly approaches make mindfulness accessible to everyone. Don’t like sitting still? Try walking meditation. Focus on the rhythm of your steps or the sound of your shoes on the ground. Prefer sensory input? Use a calming sound app or engage your hands with a stress ball or smooth stone. Meditation can look like whatever ot needs to in order to work for you.
What matters is that you’re taking a moment to pause and tune into the present. It’s not about doing it “right”; it’s about doing what feels right for you. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, and that’s the beauty of it.
“I Can’t Clear My Mind”
Neither can I! Here’s a little secret: Meditation isn’t about clearing your mind. It’s about awareness, not emptiness. Thoughts are going to come up—that’s what minds do! The goal isn’t to stop your thoughts but to notice them without judgment.
Think of your mind like a river, and your thoughts are the water flowing through it. Meditation is about standing on the bank and observing the river, not trying to dam it up. When a thought comes, acknowledge it, and gently bring your focus back to the present moment.
You might find it helpful to anchor yourself to something tangible, like your breath, a sound, or even a physical sensation. For example, pay attention to the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe, or focus on the sound of rain in the background. These anchors help ground you and bring you back when your mind starts to wander—and it will wander, and that’s okay.
Meditation doesn’t have to be perfect, and it doesn’t have to look a certain way. It’s about finding what works for you and giving yourself the grace to start where you are.
The key takeaway? Meditation isn’t some unattainable skill reserved for monks or yogis. It’s for you, exactly as you are, in the middle of your beautifully messy life. Whether it’s one minute, one deep breath, or one small act of awareness, it all counts. So give yourself permission to let go of perfection and embrace mindfulness in a way that feels doable and meaningful to you.
If today’s episode resonated with you, I’d love for you to check out my Substack. Paid members get access to exclusive downloadable meditations created specifically for autism parents—practical, approachable tools to help you recharge and reset. You’ll find the link in the show notes.
Thank you for spending this time with me today. Remember, you’re not just surviving—you’re building resilience, one mindful moment at a time. Until next week, keep it spicy and keep showing up for yourself.
